


Of Space Pirates and Alien Dinosaurs

by DarkFoxKirin



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Crack, M/M, Short One Shot, Space Pirates, alien dinosaurs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-01
Updated: 2015-03-01
Packaged: 2018-03-15 20:23:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3460772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkFoxKirin/pseuds/DarkFoxKirin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's just a normal mission when a Klingon ship attacks suddenly. What measures will Jim have to go to for him and his crew to survive?</p><p>(Or that one time I thought that it was a good idea to post a goofy homework assignment...)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Space Pirates and Alien Dinosaurs

“Scotty! Jump to warp drive! We should have been out of here light-years ago!” Captain James Tiberius Kirk of the U.S.S. Enterprise shouted over the explosions on various parts of the ship. They were checking up on Planet Celta V when a ship of Klingons ambushed them. 

“I’m sorry Cap’ in, but the warp drive was damaged in the blast! I’m given ‘er all she’s got!” Scotty’s voice screamed from out of the comm. 

“What!?” Jim Kirk screeched. He had been hoping for an easy enough escape.

Spock looked over at the stressed out captain. “I believe what Mr. Scott is trying to say is that we will have to use the principle of Parallax to get there, one Parsec at a time.”

“I don’t think that that’s going to work.” Jim thought for a second. If he could just get the ship away, then they would be able to signal the Federation and get backup. That would fix everything! But they had to get away first. Then, he got an idea. “Chekov! Set the coordinates for that Worm hole nearby!”

“But Keptin! Ve don’t know if Ve Vill live through it!” Chekov warbled. He was too young to die!

“He is correct Captain. There is only a 21.4% chance of the whole crew surviving a trip through a Worm hole.” Even Spock looked extremely worried. (This meant that his eyebrows were slightly higher than usual.)

“Well, it’s either that or staying here.” Another explosion shook the ship right after Jim said it. “Scotty, punch it!” 

“…If ya say so Cap’ in.” The ship lurched forward till it reached the Worm hole. Then everything went black. 

 

///

 

Jim groaned as he sat up from were he had fallen in a tangle of limbs with the rest of his crew. Several bones in his body creaked and groaned as he moved. And his back! How hard exactly did he hit the ground!? He lifted a hand to his face to rub it, but stopped when he got a good look at it. It was bony and littered with liver spots. Panicked, he used both of his hands to pat his face and hair. He got up and staggered to a reflective surface. An old man stared back. 

He screamed bloody murder. 

Spock grunted and sat up also. He looked around and actually sighed. 

Spock had figured that there was a 98.3% chance that this would happen. He got up as well, but with less difficulty than Jim had. Then he noticed a peculiar light coming from the port window. He limped over and peered outside. About 10 Parsecs away, Spock saw the Absolute Magnitude of a dwarf star. It was quite beautiful and temporarily distracted him from the various screeches and screams coming from his crew mates. He quietly counted the distance away from Earth this star was and found out its Apparent Magnitude shortly. He could also see the Redshift from a distant galaxy. 

Jim finally noticed his second in command at the window. “Spock! How can you be so calm at a time like this!?” Ew, his voice was all whispery and… old.

Spock repressed the need to sigh and turned to face the irate captain. “Vulcans have no need to worry over a situation as small as this. Also, I have found a way to get back to Earth. Of course, we will require a new warp drive first.”

Alright, Jim had to admit, he was impressed. “Okay, so what’s the plan? We can’t do too much because we’re old geezers and you’re an alien dinosaur.” 

Spock ignored the urge to roll his eyes. Vulcans don’t roll their eyes. “If we want to get back to Earth as soon as possible, then we will have to steal a warp drive. Stealthily.” 

Jim looked more excited than he should be. “You mean that we’ll have to become space pirates!?”

“For a brief period of time, yes.” Spock replied.

“Alright!” Jim clapped his hands together… slowly. “Let’s ambush that ship over there.” He pointed to a decent sized ship off into the distance. “Hikaru! Let’s go stealth mode!” 

Hikaru hobbled to his seat as he answered. “Aye Captain.”

After a surprisingly easy capture and extraction of the warp drive, they replace theirs with the new one and they warp back through the worm hole. The Klingons are still there, but they eradicate them quickly and head back to Earth. Jim and Spock had a rather vigorous romp through the sheets, celebrating their newly reacquired youth. Everyone’s young again and the crisis averted. For now, at least…

The End?


End file.
